i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
