I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
