If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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