... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
