just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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