He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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