M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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