Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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