Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
