Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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