I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
