Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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