im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
