went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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