I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
