From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
