Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
