I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just threw up on my dentist
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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