I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
