I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
