Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
