And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
