I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
