I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
