i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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