All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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