"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
