brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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