I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
