woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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