I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
