Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
