We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
