fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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