Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have peed in a lot of sinks
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
