the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
