I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
as a side note pls kill me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
