I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
