I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
