my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
