Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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