I skipped work to stalk him.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
