It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
