Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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