I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
