she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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