Tell her she can't have a vagina
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
