okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
