It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
time to smoke my breakfast
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
birth control should be required to get into college
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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