The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
