I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
