I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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